March 5, 2008

• When Insults Had Class

   These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words, not to mention waving middle fingers:

   

   

  The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my

  husband I'd give you poison;" to which he replied, "Madam, if I were your husband,

  I'd take it."

   

   

  A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows

  or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "upon

  whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

   

   

  "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

   

  "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston

  Churchill

   

  "A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill

   

  "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great

  pleasure." - Clarence Darrow

   

  "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the

  dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

   

  "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" -

  Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

   

  "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading

  it." - Moses Hadas

   

  "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." -

  Abraham Lincoln

   

  "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of

  it." - Mark Twain

   

  "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

   

  "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend

  . . . if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

   

  "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."

  - Winston Churchill, in response.

   

  "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -

  Stephen Bishop

   

  "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

   

  "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." -

  Irvin S. Cobb

   

  "He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." -

  Samuel Johnson

   

  "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

   

  "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." - Jack E.

  Leonard

   

  "He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford

   

  "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human

  knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed

   

  "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -

  Charles, Count Talleyrand

   

  "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

   

  "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" -

  Mark Twain

   

  "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

   

  "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar

  Wilde

   

  "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather

  than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

   

  "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

   

  "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

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  • 10:56 am
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