March 6, 2008

• Why Do We Blog? For The Umpteenth Time.

  I'm sitting at the blog strangely compelled to write something.   This is as it has been for many years with pen and paper,  years before the blog came into being.
  
  I've recently realized that there is a big difference between the public blog and the paper journals in my closet.  The paper journals were written knowing that they were for my eyes only.   The public blog is just that, public.    Even so public, I never expect anyone to read these, yet a few people do.  I am surprised you do. 
  
  Sometimes I do have strong feelings and want to say something.   Having a very strong sense of my own motivations, I realize, that as ALL PERSONS,  every act is selfish and I must be blogging for a reason and I believe that reason, as I have blogged about before,  is to process my own thoughts and emotions.  
  
  Knowing someone might see these words does make me temper what I blog,  and try to keep a low profile,  just another face in the crowd. 
  
  I have often compared blogging to mental 'shitting'.   Now it is mental regurgitation because I have blogged this blog before many times.
  
  That's all.  I don't know what to write, but feel the urge to write something,  even if nothing at all.
  

  
  At least I'm not writing about Hillary and Obama.  I hate being in that angry political mode.  I've resigned to the probable fact that they are just faces on a long and reclusive arm,   puppets on a hand,   faces on a stick,  and it really doesn't matter anyhow.
  
              ....okay,  something to blog is coming out
  
  Oh Wow,  a black man and a woman,   history in the making.... just a show for all to see,  just a distraction..
      
     Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain...
     
                ....although I will vote,  don't get me wrong,  I haven't actually GIVEN UP HOPE,  although,  at this point,  I'm pretty certain that conspiracy is,  like evolution,  no longer just a theory...

  (over the past 50 years, just the human femur has changed so that the femur of what would strictly be male fifty years could now be the femur of a tall female.   Also,  the fact the we have hemhroids, vericose veins and hernias are faults of evolution,  of standing upright,  instead of being on all fours so gravity doesn't do that damage,  we are in the process of change....  don't even get me started about wisdom teeth...)

  Okay,  I've done blogged something now other than blog about blogging.
  Blogging about blogging is like looking into a mirror with a mirror behind you.

  blogging about blogging may not really count as blogging as it may cancel itself out if you really think about things....

  .....okay, now I'm just stalling,  the morning ritual;  shit, shave, shower.... shove something considered food down my gullet,  medicate,  walk to the subway and ride to work.

  It's Thursday and I hate it.  I hate hate hate it.
  Have I ever mentioned that I am a bit agoraphobic, and although I do have a safety zone,  I still really don't like to go out.

  It's been okay these past few months.  I've been going out more and noticed a change.
  Now I don't wanna go to werk... 

  but only two more days.

  I'm the type that likes to gel.

  I feel overwhelmed with books and projects and chores and I feel anxious.   I'm taking note of this feeling.

  I'm living for the weekend,  but not like that old O'Jay's song,  cuz when ever Friday rolls around,  although I do put all my weekly burdens down,    I don't hit the town.  I hit the sofa.

  I've taken to  watching October Road.  It's cheesy and pastoral.  It's quaint and melancholic and reminds me of an updated The Waltons.  It's comfort food.  It has a cheesy charm.  It's always fall at October Road, even though it's April. 

  Lost,  October Road, Jericho...  don't do the CSI's much anymore,  they have become a little unrealistic, what with poking around on dead bodies without masks and stuff.

  In other words, they have become too unrealistic... not that any of the other shows aren't.

  I've lost my point.

  Oh yes,  self distraction,  self expression, and humanistically self centered wastage of time.

  I'm prattling I'm babbling.

  I'm just taking up cyberspace...

  Have an atypically positive Thursday,  as I hope I will.

  At least it's Thursday.  At the very least tomorrow is Friday.
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  If you are reading this,  you're much too close.

  .
  There was just an explosion at 42nd Street,   at the military recruiting station.  I'm about to head toward the subway and I don't give a fuck...

  I'm not scared.

  The meely mouthed mayor, Bloomy,  is on the wire trying to reassure people,  telling people to let the professionals do their jobs.
  ...there was a strange person on a bike,  acting strange...
  this was a cowerdly act.

  this mayor is funny.   living in manhattan is almost like living in gotham city,  the mayor is an active figure in your lives, as are the commissioner and stuff...

  growing up in california,  everything was an isolated family incident.

  here I'm part of the rest of the community of the world.  I know what is going on in the world around me, and far away by extension, not just my own back yard and what the television chooses to show me.

  The little mayor is talking on the radio and I feel like i'm part of the community of munchkin land... I expect him, any second, to call for the caped crusaider, or the Power Puff Girls.

  .

  • 9:40 am
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