April 21, 2011

• Intense Eyeball Headaches

         

  

  

      This was my first painting, the day after the first headache and I got the idea to become an artist overnight and heard my dead artist mother talking to me and saying not to let fear of making mistakes hold me back , she was wrong about all that after all.....  she knows it now...

  Intense eyeball/sinus/one sided headaches...

  I had them for a week solid.  They always came on at night.  Always on the right side... Crackling in my ear... Water? no dry crackling. A bug? I hope not.  A whisker or hair lodged against my eardrum? possibly. 

  Eyeball headache. Sinus?  Advil,  Tylenol PM,  Hydrocodone,  Benedryl (crushed up x2 in hot water for sleeping and loss of consciousness)...

  Finally tried a Sudafed and it worked like magic.  Last week.

  The first week every night.  Then last week tapering off. 

  Last night I almost went to the ER but decided to die in bed and meet my maker and find out the truth about quantum physics and my belief that the 'afterlife' lies at the subatomic level... where I may meet my maker and my parents...

   I'm curious... I am leaving nothing in this life unfinished. I feel totally fulfilled and at the top of what can be.   I have no bucket list.  Moving to Manhattan was a life long goal,  so was getting my name published, it is,  in a tiny way, but it is, more than once, as is my photograph and I have had my 5 or 6 minutes of fame... I long for no more...

  The most astounding thing is the amount of artwork and color that I have done over the past 2 weeks.  I am afraid to upload anymore on Flickr because I need to change my copyrights to more protective as my work is now 'creative commons' and people can freely use my work without profit... it has happened more and more so i need to start protecting my stuff.

  I hate the fact that Flickr is trying to get us all to submit everything to Getty Images,  this will allow more photographs to sell however,  Getty will own them exclusively.

  My one photo that sold to Disney for $300 was for a one time use only and I retain all rights... Getty is a thief.

  If I start putting original paintings up without seeing if I have any talent or showing them to someone who knows anything about art to see if I should continue in this vein, people could take my work and expose it elsewhere.  I don't want that.  I think I have some type of artistic talent but I don't know.

  I feel mother is really prodding me on OR working THRU me... it is so weird. He is more work that i won't put on Flickr yet.

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  The beginning of the first week I worked on sketching and drawing.  I have always sketched and drawn.  I was in a black and white world before, not understanding color.

  Last night, during the pain , I was with the pain in my right hemisphere,  I understood that this was why I was feeling pain,  I was in the present moment.  I thought my left  brain wanted numbers and lines and shapes...

  All of a sudden I see the world as broken up into distinct colors, lines and shapes.  I see lines of people's glasses,  the line of someone juxtaposed against a background... I see details where I never saw them before.

  I felt my mother talking to me, working thru me,  teaching me...

  Then I was so afraid but  got acrylics and a color wheel... only have used the primarys and black and white so far, blending my own color, it is coming out as I can foresee it...  I see all colors in other colors and see the mix of color in objects...  I never noticed this before.

  I was so afraid to try oil,  mother was prodding me on with oil,  the second week I got oil and I just decided to do a religious icon and named her La Maria Sub Rosa and feel she has a secret...  Anyhoo... I am still working on all these and these are my best... I have several more, I draw and sketch incessantly.  Sometimes it makes the pain duller.... I got some books and an easel and a kit to teach me the difference between transparent color and opaque colors and to understand how one recedes and one comes forward in a painting.  I need this for Maria Sub Rosa,  Her shawl had no depth.  I don't like her hair....
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  THE EYE OF SPADES.    ... You kind of wonder why anybody in their right mind would draw The Pointed Card out of a deck...
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  • 12:05 pm
  • 2 Comments