June 7, 2011

  • Shimmer Days

    .
    .
    i feel a soft and silky day of little pain
    not much to say like gentle rain
    on tv screens with movies silent slow and
    coffee stains grow smaller in the shadows of my home

    gray and yawning pleasure riding nothing worried
    never hiding nothing saying showing vain not ego
    dusted cells again
    and neuroplastic spasms gain is lost in fog and washed away

    a pincushion
    empathy

    would a pincushion have empathy

    you have lost your empathy, i was told
    the conversation, ego bold, gestural forthright
    overbearing
    loudly laughing
    extra daring
    more outgoing
    nearly scaring
    cannot get a word in edgewise

    a vivid colored painful slash
    before a shimmer day breaks my back
    an embryonic evil twin
    right hemisphere, oh, it kicked again

    right mattress sleep
    (hidden, in the right mattressphere)
    hot water bottle benedryl bath shower nasal douche
    salt migraine acetaminophen rock a bye baby
    benedryl pestal and mortal mortar ground in drinking hot water
    i brew tea eye brute eye brew pro fin swim in agony swiminagone
    astronomy agrimony gesthesmomeny mommy
    she'll be here all day tomorrow

    shimmer day pain away action taken something gained
    paint AND coffee stained
    decaf still has caffeine in it they do not tell you that
    decaf deaf def deface facade face head fade face
    paintedmothershairdrewthegoosthatlaidthegoldeneggtimerandtheeggtimerbyitself
    noitwasntaneggtimeritwasaneggwithnumbersonitaneggtimeroneword
    anyway

    two more days of work and two or more weeks off
    i forgot i had had them
    i need
    large calendar pages
    i cannot keep tomorrows
    neurologist mri doctor dentist eye foot blood test ass test read blood microscope
    pathogen immunesystemautoimmunitypredispodispositioncontraindicationpositiveresults
    iamhopingforpostivenegativepositivenegativepositivenegativeresults
    words loose meaning
    meaning looses words
    con few shun
    shun reality
    in lieu of
    shimmer days


    .
    .(an afterthought:  Agrimony in The Garden of Gethsemane.
    Prostrate inseminate, Semite, S'mite.
    Prostate gland)

    hidden meanings in words:
    "can i kill you?"
    "yes you can, sir"

    think positive that all results will be negative.
    i am trying to think positive and be optimistic.
    I do need bifocals, too, that is another appointment this week.

    sometimes I scare myself. 

    I am a sponge of pre-absorbed nervosity.  I am nervous about several things, at this morning's moment.

    I am shaking.  It is a bit chilly too.

    I start the art classes tonight and I am petrified...
    .
    This screams normality.

    I hate it
    ..
    I am a nervous egg.

    would  an "egg bomb" going off just be a chick hatching?
    .
    .
    so what's wrong with that?
    .
    . ..
    twin in progress (in progress)

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