August 20, 2011

• Another Saturday Day

  ...and I don't know what to do...

  Far from paralyzed, I am overwhelmed with choices so sit in early wonder of how my day will unfold.

  I have one eye on my camera and there is a kite flying festival along the West River at 73rd St. in Riverside Park. That is my most likely idea.

  It is the last day the streets are closed on Park Avenue for the "city streets" program, allowing people to walk, sun, swim in dumpsters turned into pools and ride bicycles along the avenue from morning till mid day, or stroll. I have not partaken. It has been very wet also I think it has rained a lot this season.

  It may rain later, the little man in the Swiss chalet, the weather chalet where the maid is out for sun and the man for foul weather, the man is out so it will rain . The little Swiss chalet does not lie.

  Last night the rain was torrential. I was afraid the roof would leak. It didn't.

  I have not been out in ages. I have social anxiety.

  I think, before, when I was really outgoing and artistic, I was existing in my right brain and now I am back in my left brain , or something...

  Now I am dull yet unfettered, slow and easy, as summer should be but with a bored feeling.

  I will go do something and take photos with the nice camera and report on it later. It is early. I still have time to do something....

  I don't have any friends but one or two. I have isolated and alienated myself, now I see... my aloneness in the world...

  I distance myself from people for some reason. I need to develop a support network.

  I don't really have a good support network because I have isolated myself and am a loner.

  this is due to terrible anxiety and fear of people....

  I like it better when I am more outgoing and artistic and not afraid...

  .
  I wonder if and when I will feel that way again.

  At least I am not depressed or sad at this point. I'm going out to photograph the world, or a small part of it anyhow...
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  • 9:32 am
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