September 1, 2011

• I am restless today, it is 9:00 AM

  How will I channel my energy?

  As a model,  mother was scattered,  with spherical thinking.   The linear line of thought, a ball of twine tightly wound around an hourglass;  if you listen long enough there would be a point instead of idle chatter.

  I will make a list and set a timer and allow for precious moments to bleed by while the constant 10 minute reminder of what I am doing tries to keep me on track.

  It is a beautiful day of this extended holiday time and again I am torn between attending chores in my apartment and doing something in New York City ,  like going out to Coney Island or renting a bicycle in Central Park.

  It is also the first day of September which is the official end of summer in the minds of us all,  with Labor Day right around the corner...   I am starting a new book.  I could go to breakfast, it is still early.

  My only problem at this juncture is social anxiety, I need to get with people and that is the hardest thing I am finding myself able to do.  I cannot go out or force myself to socialize.  I was invited to a BBQ on Long Island this Saturday and I declined... I am anxious about going out for an evening for a beer or something plus I have no one to go out with.   I have isolated myself and alienated myself from everyone who knows me with social anxiety and turning down invitations.

  I am thankful I am not depressed; there is a bright side.

  I just had to spew.
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  • 9:00 am
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