September 8, 2011

• Nothing Much

  Random Thoughts:

  People would describe themselves as objects

  Ted Ward, whom I was in love with, mentioned to this to me, 
  he was a psychology major, each time I would say I felt like a plain old slice of bread.

  He thought it was terribly interesting.

  I wonder whatever happened to Ted Ward.

  It has been raining for 3 days or 4 days I cannot remember.

  I stopped reading one book in favor of

  COWBOYS VS ALIENS because I saw it on the stands in paperback and knew I wanted to see the movie, at some point. 
   I didn't rush to the theater to see it,  movies come on the television screen nowadays.

  I like to read a novel (this is a "novelized" screenplay but it is better than I expected, as far as the writing goes)  before I see the movie for some reason. 

   I don't know why because I am generally disappointed.

  ...oh, now I know why,  because it's always a better story in your head.

  I don't have a lot to say these days.

  I'm on the Plateau of Mundanity and that is a better place than The Valley of Grim, how I wouldn't mind taking another step or two toward the Peak of Perfection

  ...  I'm not complaining.

  I must have had a Manic episode for 4 months.

  I don't remember ever having a "manic" episode in my life so this must have been my first one, however it is possible I had them and did not recognize it...

  I did not spend thousands of dollars but one Dr. told me something that was correct,  I was manic,  now I see it.  I spent too much money on art stuff and had really grandiose ideas about stuff...

  And I did not know I was anemic and was drinking 3 POTS of COFFEE A DAY

   I hardly remember the past four months, I remember a lot of pain and confusion and artwork and existing in the right hemisphere of my brain and speaking with my deceased parents.

  I miss them and the artwork but I don't miss the pain.

  I do not know what to believe about this.   I do believe in the afterlife and life after death and everything I know and read about quantum physics points to this.

  I would say I breached a wormhole and my mother/father found me.

  I say mother/father because the entity was both entwined.

  this makes sense because they are both part of me,    also this seemed like
  leftbrain/rightbrain

  mother right brain
  father left brain

  like I could feel it up there.

     After all,  I have been practicing out of body travel,  trance meditation and many of those things and lucid dreaming, heavily as a teenager and when I was younger and had lots of free time.

  I do not disbelieve it,  nor do I believe it was symptomatic of illness.

  I really wish I could have meeting with Dr. Michio Kaku most of all.

  I believe the spark of life goes on.   I don't know how but I believe it on a scientific,  subatomic,  electrostatic level.

  I was on Seroquel for one month.

  Oh My God what a trip..

  I don't know if that month was FUCKED because of the Seroquel or because of the illness but the Seroquel made me feel like this :

  

  Now I'm not on it. 

  It was to help me sleep.

  I needed something else to wake me back up so I stopped it and went to something I had used before.

  It gave me horrible horrible neuro muscular side effects where I felt I had to constantly clench my muscles and it also made me stop breathing upon falling asleep if I did not keep the dose constant!

   The neurologist quantified these side effects where the other Dr. did not seem to be aware of them.

  I am in a stable place

  bored.

  I feel like a plain old slice of bread.

  I find myself packing my bag for work

  I pack little medicine bags,  emergency bags,
  in case I get sick at work I have always done this, .. Now I see why.

  "Trigeminal Neuralgia"
   I don't need to do this anymore.

  Now I know if I get this "migraine" I just go home and go to sleep because nothing will work
  (the neurologist was adamant about me not calling them "migraines")

    I feel a sense of freedom.

  I have only had 3 or 4 "headaches" on the medication so far and they have been at most a 4 on a scale of 1 to 10 where 10 was the worst.    10 is Emergency Room pain.

  I am a different person now.

  A banana,   peeled.

  .

  • 8:16 am
  • 3 Comments