September 13, 2011

  • I Worked Late Tonight

    I don't like working late.
       I do like gaining extra money or extra time off.
     I should do this more often. 
    It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
    I am of two minds.
    I have always said as much.

    I used to work extra jobs and freelance at night all the time. 
    I haven't done it in years.
     I am fortunate and have grown lazy.

    I don't have much going on and am bored.
      I don't feel artistic.
      I don't know what happened.  
    I saw the artist De La Vega over the weekend and he complemented my work.
    I feel so honored.
    I must exercise this gift.

    Writing about it here is ingraining the desire into my psyche.
      I will wake up with the relentless desire to create, draw, write and improve my very existence and the world in which I live.

    I have more than one gift. 

    I have been flighty in this life,  aloof and unmotivated.  
    One might say I have had it too easy,  on the outside.... 

    On the inside,  my life has been a great difficulty, in the earlier years. 
    I have much to be thankful for and few regrets. 
     That alone is something to be thankful for,  few regrets.

    I have also experienced emotional and physical pain beyond measure.
      
    .
    I am very blessed.
    I have been where few will go.
    'trigeminal neuralgia'
    I saw stars.

    I need to use the advice I have been given.
      Writing here and now is writing.
     I started out not to write,  as I have nothing to say,  but you can see here,  I have written.
      I will attend writing and drawing. 
     Drawing everyday as a discipline needs to be developed.

    This is the same advice I have had for writing and exercising  and anything worth doing.
      Discipline, it is hard to have.

    Force yourself.

    I feel I need to make myself write something here.

    One time I did yoga for six months religiously and I was so flexible and healthy I felt great!

    When I had a boyfriend who went to the gym,  I went to the gym and worked out too... 
    I tend to do things other people do. 
    If I am left to my own self,  I sit....
    I am very sedentary and I have no discipline.

    I feel very unartistic these days.  
      I must be totally in my left brain.
     This is the normal me,  or the majority of me,  when I was manic, or in my right brain,  I was very outgoing and artistic and did a bunch of stuff.  

    I wonder if that will happen again. 
    Now if I do art or something it is like I have to work at it.

    I will attend drawing workshops at The Art Student's League.
      I will finish the college application and go back to school.

    I am bored now in life.
    I don't seem to have a goal.

    Oh yes, there is photography,  it seems like everything is a hobby.

    I feel like an octopus. 
    I spread myself so thin
    "..and master of none"

     I forgot I had so many things to do.
     What was I thinking.
     How can I be bored.

    I feel just like my life is about to start all over again.

    Something is around the corner, I have had this sense before.
    .
    .
    .
    ....All I have to do is look out the window to see I am blessed beyond measure.

    I am so thankful,  I'm not asking for anything else.
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