One of the top hand surgeons in Manhattan gave me a good old fashioned fully open carpal tunnel release and trigger thumb release at the same time and they were very successful.   This hand feels great! 

Just got the cast off this morning,  8 days in full cast and next Tuesday the stitches come out.
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I put this surgery off for almost 10 years until I was totally ready to have it and I am very glad I did it.
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..but am somehow inhibited more than before.   The thought of putting up personal stuff is somewhat bothersome to me now.

I was going to stop there until I read what I had previously posted... I might as well continue;

I will have the carpal tunnel release next week as well as a trigger release on one hand.  This will be a relief as my hand is really bothering me.  I have been dealing with  bi-lateral carpal tunnel syndrome for nearly 10 years and I am tired.   I was previously afraid of surgery and have managed to deal with they symptoms by altering how I do things,   using the left hand for the mouse, etc...  which may be why my left hand seems worse than my right although my right hand is dominant...

Anyhow....  I have tons of personal stuff and feel I need to vent but I don't want to vent here...

I am looking forward to the surgery for relief but also for the time off.   I will rest for 10 solid days and then relax for 9 more.    The holidays are light and nonchalant;  I bought a tiny tree, it's so cute but I am so not into Xmas this year.   I want to read and relax and sleep and maybe visit some museums and watch movies and TV.   I plan to spend one whole day watching TV...  At least...

I can't really complain otherwise.

I read The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.  I honestly don't see what the hoopla is...  It was dry as a bone till page 300 but then it did get good and I will read the sequel..   I saw the Swedish movie, it was okay....

Now I'm just about finished with this Zero book which is totally fascinating.   I had no Idea!  (that is a joke referencing the book about the concept of "zero" but it probably makes no sense to anyone but me.)

So, how's by you?
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I was able to film some of the assorted protesters at Zuccotti Park before they forced them to take down the tents.   I went twice.   Here is some footage:

There are a few more on my YouTube channel that you can get to by clicking on the videos above.

.These were shot last Saturday.
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She was born on 7/7 and died on 11/11...  was it 2005, I think so... 

I'm having a mid-life crisis.   I thought I was very happy in this time slot but now I realize I may not be.
I am stumped about writing anymore...

I have thoughts and feelings but hesitate to put them to words.

Something is better about time now.
I am not racing it. I can sit and watch a movie or read or do nothing and not feel like I must constantly be doing something.

I feel I have no friends,  just a few...  I see the symptoms through the eyes of a social worker,  a case,  I have no support network..

I am aging. I am no one's aging client.  I feel alone and friendless and have isolated myself due to social anxiety,  not going out and making friends and just hanging with one or two people and now I am old and feeling lonely. 

This is new and different.

I wasn't aware, in fact up until that artistic and so called "manic" episode of last spring, I was happier than ever before and boasting about it....  perhaps that was a clue to the coming grandiosity....

I'm certainly back to earth now...  I realize how alone in the world I am  and it seems magnified.

I am happy,  overjoyed in fact at the slowage of time.

I don't know what to write anymore but have the urge.  

This when I may be facing Carpel Tunnel Release surgery... I see the surgeon next week.

I am feeling a bit sad today.   Wanting really badly to stay home. 

11/11/11 is supposed to be lucky,  perhaps I will miss something. I worry about this,  staying home an  missing and opportunity.   This is a new worry.    This even sounds like a symptom of normalcy.

I feel awfully detached and alone in the world...

what a combo.. I hate it... I need to work extra hours because I was not able to plan and got myself into a hole.

  bla bla bla....  I have to work extra hours and so I agree-ed to work until 8PM on Wednesdays...  well,  it is only 9 more times so it isn't so bad...

I feel compelled to write here, once again,  if nothing but for the amount of time that has passed since the last blog post...

I have no rants so I can claim things are going well.

My world seems in transition but as yet unclarified..

How is your world?