There is no tumor, but something IS there, I want you to see this ,I don't know if I can show it to you, I am not the radiologist but this is your brain... in slices... this is the Pons....
I don't really see anything and she can't read the scan herself... I will get the report
I talked too much
I talk too much
I was nervous
but she said my brain is fine
they don't really know
no one knows much about this part of the brain
she laughed and explained what she knew, from animals, and she said she had worked on plenty of them... it must be humorous, cutting the brain of an animal and telling someone about it to learn about human brains....
That old Trigeminal nerve, they think, is responsible for most if not all facial pain.
she stressed more than once they were not Migraines, and besides, Migraines had two categories and if they were, they would be the 2nd, peripheral... again , nobody really knows about this but as long as the medication is working... come back in a month and deal with the other stuff...
I actually LOVE this Neurologist, she is one of the most personable and caring Dr.s I have ever had and she seems truly interested in finding out what the heck this is, but mostly that I am NOT IN PAIN!
...she doesn't know anything about the art, the creativity, the personality or "psychic" stuff though and it is up to me who I want to talk to about all that... hands in the air as if I am holding a loaded gun...
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.. An Aberrant Vessel ..
may compress the fifth nerve
sensory root
as it enters the pons
an abnormal MRI
may not be abnormal
as
"lots of people have abnormal MRIs"
abnormality blurs into normality
i have always actually suspected this anyhow...
it is not anything to worry about
i am totally reassured twice about my brain
it functions better than the average brain out there walking around on the street
it is an amazing brain
it is an interesting brain
it is almost too bad people cannot see it on the outside of my head instead of my scalp because it is such a fine brain and i should not worry one bit
because the Topiramate is working well
and that is the point right?
no pain huh?
well, who could ask for better?
well, the confusion and loopy, banana headed and stand up comic attitude about everything will go away in another month or so
just keep repeating
"keep your goddamned mouth shut in public, keep your goddamned mouth shut in public"
"and stop posting on Facebook"
I knew the brain was abnormal, and shockingly so from a radiologists perspective, and the neurologist admitted that she could not actually show me very well on the scan image as she is not the radiologist but she showed me what she could. I have known all of my life, since childhood when I had a clearly visible "invisible friend" whom I remember actually "seeing" to this day.
My theory was always the child's "soft spot" at the top of the head keeping connections with the ante-life, until old enough to forget and suffer through this 'mortal coil'... bla bla bla
but visual cues, pats on backs, "good lucks" and hour long waits in the mri machine while radiologists in India reviewed scans, and pats from nurses injecting die and no more eye contact and coldness at the end said a lot.
On the phone last week the Dr. specifically did not answer "is it abnormal" " is something wrong"
.... nothing to worry about , " I seem to be a worrier"...
The Pons connects the two hemispheres of the brain. The Tringeminal nerve is responsible for all facial pain and head pain and she specifically said these were NOT Migraines and she would prefer that I NOT refer to them and explained that even Migraines have 2 different categories, this is more peripheral..
AND, nobody really understand what is going on, this is an assumption, mostly based on the fact that the medication is working.
I have had a stinking suspicion that something interesting is going on with me and my two hemispheres all of my life, when I compare how I seem to feel/think as how I see other people seeing/feeling/appearing to think... and I can be quite objective,
I believe.... meaning I understand fully about defense mechanism and tricks of the mind and being human and understand things like "synchronicity" and the opposite idea, of disregarding non relative ideas and situations as insignificant but remembering only relative situations "coincidence" and giving "meaning" to situations...
and I know i am human and open to all of these faults, therefore aware of the weakness
I can't be anymore than aware of the weaknesses..
I think it is pure physical and not psychological, although no one understand things on a level where the two sciences become one, where biochemical activity become expressed feelings, thoughts...actions, behaviors even if not repressed or controlled by the ego/self...
this i see completely and rationally...
I said NOTHING about having a "purple dot" experience in the MRI machine
I saw my "third eye" which I would envision things and visualize things which I interpreted as a psychic type vision, clairvoyance or whatever, this happens with eyes closed. A yellow halo around a purple dot will center itself in the middle of my "dark field" and if I do not focus on it, it will grow larger until I see through it, actually like looking through a hole in a fence, to a very realistic scene..
Also, "my mother" was present in the MRI machine... I had these experiences in thought and mind.
I say nothing about this but I need a report of my MRI which I will get, a copy of my brain and neck scan, she also said there is stuff in my neck and I could use the physical therapy and we will do that next... and a cd of the images
and I need to find something out about the physics of going into other/alternate/altered states and brain scans and the parts of the brain... I don't know if this means parapsychology, I don't want anything "hokey" but already kooks are coming out of left field all around me so I don't want to be labeled any more a "kook" than I already am...
.
I used to get this third eye, and have out of body experiences ALL THE TIME as a child and young person... NOW I KNOW SOMETHING IS THERE...
I think this pressure on the pons and trigminal nerve needs much more exploration.. Also, they have recently found that birds use this TRIGEMINAL NERVE to sense DIRECTION via electro magnetic waves! Perhaps the solar situations recently , the sun spots are the most active recently this all coincides with my headaches....I feel the stigma of "mental illness" and I do not like being that type of patient and I am determined to get to the root of this or at least find out more about it...
I am feeling better, I should drink NO coffee, but I am still having a cup or two in the morning and I have to constantly remember to keep my mouth SHUT!
I live by The Comic Strip Live, 2nd Ave, the Stand Up comedy club, I swear to GOD, I could go on stage, and be a stand up comic right now, the doc must be right I must be manic, but this isn't bad, every comic is manic and maybe this is my real undepressed / unhuddled and cloistered personality coming out?
I am either a recluse or a clown... Even me as a clown is still afraid to go be out after dark :/
comedy sure relieves something, I have been watching a TON of old Warhol/Morrissey films and old B-movies and laughing hysterically
You must watch "Trash" the old Warhol film, it is totally hilarious and offensive. Total in your face satire and the female leads are a riot!
.
.
.If mother is "here", it may be possible to have, through practice and intent, reached a "wormhole" and breached into another dimension, I know this sounds silly, but I have actually been trying to actively do this for years... I have left my body several times and kept awareness, out of body experiences, I trained myself since age 12. It is not something easily controllable...
I also interpret between a visual and aural language and use all parts of the brain as all people who are interpreting languages do, both hemispheres are connected and firing....
There is a UN interpreter's brain on display at the Museum of Natural History. She is working and the brain is being shown active. This is the same thing I do.
I believe that the idea of communing with another "dimension", my mother... may be physically painful to the right hemisphere, the hemisphere which senses the awareness of the here and now, the material physical world.
I need people to talk to about this who don't consider me a "patient".... and don't see me in that light, now that I have some sort of physical evidence.... I had EEGs and other "research" brain work which was done to me as a small child in Los Angles California and my Mom is no longer alive to question about this. I don't know why this was done.
I have researched this type of "treatment" in that era at that place and time and the only thing I can find is, what?
RESEARCH ON THE ELECTROMAGNETIC ENERGY OF THE HUMAN BRAIN and the Hemispheres. There was no reason at THAT time to treat a child or use it much except for research purposes. I had wires attached my head, wore a big cap and had strobe lights and flickering lights flashed in my face. I was 4 or 5, 1965/1966, Los Angles County, CA, and I found it totally FUN.
The "burned" or recorded this information (i assume) on some type of green disc which looked to me like a 45 rpm record of the day, that is all I remember, except there were nuns in this hospital and It may have been "Queen of the Valley" hospital. I can't imagine why I would have had this test done at that age. If my mother was asked to have it done on me or if she requested it??
I am trying to find out what was going on then and what it might relate to this strange pons and nerve "abnormality" or abnormality activity in or near my brain stem involving the juncture of both hemispheres...
I just find it interesting... I need someone to talk to about it, someone smart and not in a position where I am a "client"...
.
..
I can be a client, but I am not paying anyone, all I know is,
I AM one of THOSE people, who HAS something "going on" UP THERE
and HAS the Ability To rationally DESCRIBE IT WHILE IT IS OCCURING
and I know there ARE people out there who WANT to listen
for research purposes
i am not trying to brag and it isn't my ego.
I don't think, unless it is that good. and it could be, they sometimes are, because I do know a few, some look right back at me on a regular basis
:/
but this time I don't think i is i think something is curious in the brain that needs further exploration, short of cutting me open, I love to take tests....
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