June 28, 2011

• Dreams

  

  I am remembering dreams again,  at least a few;

  I am taking my pills,  the new pill, the Topiramate

  

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  because of horrible head pain...this drug is medication which prevents convulsive and abnormal activity in the brain.  In my case, it appears pain is caused because of, maybe, contact with the "5th nerve", Trigeminal, or somehow  the medication prevents the activity which causes this pain, or calms it... it does not act as a pain killer for the pain it needs to be taken on a regular basis.

  it has unpleasant side effects, confusion, bumbling-ness... the attitude of a comic...  nothing horrible...  it can be frustrating if you are not told of this. .. i cannot see my future or plan the future, it is like blank, i can think of it briefly but need calendars, where i did not need to use them much before... this should go away it is a side effect, everyone is different... i would rather not be in agony...

  

  the brain is in a sack you know,  everyone should know this,  the "blood brain barrier".... nothing can pass through this barrier to protect the brain.   special things pass through this in the blood that affect the brain.

  ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that passes through the Blood-Brain Barrier has an effect on the BodyMindEmotions...

  this includes only foods and things like caffeine, nicotine and substances which produce electrochemical activity in humans,  intentionally or not.   This is very different than other things that don't pass through the blood brain barrier.  this is psychoactive..

  Anyhow,   Antidepressants were discovered by accident years ago while looking for a cure for TB or something,  it didn't work, but people were all saying, " I do feel better though"... and it caught on...

  This drug, Topirimate  was in my DREAM    I was taking the pills and the Topirimate fell into a sterile white garbage can full of dirty white plates and napkins covered with gooey food and muck. 

  My conflict  was, should I reach into the trash can and get that pill or just skip it that day and risk whatever nasty side effects/results of skipping a dose (seizure, pain.... nothing at all...) might or might not  happen.

   I awoke before this dream ended and I had to decide, or I was walking away taking my chances and awoke.    

  This drug is NOW being researched as a mood stabilizer as it is rather calming..

  In other dreams I am looking around at art work at the school and I hear someone say my name and think my painting has been put on display or something....   This terrifies me greatly because I worry I will have to face one of my greatest fears of all, which is public face full frontal attention, which as made me actually vomit and sick in the past...

  I hope remembering dreams is a sign of good rest... I have not really remembered dreams all that often for years.

  pognyc Inc.

  (incorporate art)

   

  There was a point in my late teens,   I could not tell dreams from waking reality , I would not know if something that had happened had been in a dream or really happened because the dreams are very mundane and non consequential,  nothing special happens... just regular daily chatter or like I am in another class or at work having a conversation so the 24 hour cycle becomes one constant awareness...

  I don't know which is real because everything is stable and nothing is fantastic, even in the dream world....

  Occasionally I would have a dream which would be obviously a dream,  like I am in a foreign place or back in time younger or something, but again, I have not remembered dreams regularly in 30 or more years.

  I should probably learn to fly in my dreams if this happens or something....   Anyhow... I got some notebooks...
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  • 7:30 am
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