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I had a dream that I was taking photographs but the lens of the camera was long and wobbly.
It was like an elephant's trunk and would droop down unless I held it out straight at whatever I was trying to photograph, so it was very awkward.
( ...i just used the words 'straight' and 'awkward' in the same sentence)
I had to hold the camera with one hand and with the other, try to straighten out the long wobbly lens and point it at the subject so that I could see it framed in the eyepiece.
I was trying to photograph this girl and I don't know who she was but it was very difficult getting the "lens" to stay straight and take a clear picture.
( ...flashback to teenage masturbatory fantasies trying desperately to force heterosexual stimulation...)
The lens was made out of graduated metal tubes that telescoped out but did not sit firmly in one another, thus the wobbly droopyness and the need to use 2 hands to take the photograph.
( remembers "it takes 2 hands, to handle a Whopper", the old Burger King jingle from the 70's or early 80's )
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On the surface, I can see the obvious Freudian sexual referencing and perhaps suggestion at impotence...
I actually was never any Casanova, rather apathetic and "hard to get to know" or "shy" for lack of better words I am a typical Virgo, and I've never considered it a problem...
I think I'm going with a possible Jungian slant, and think that this is some type of statement of how I view my self, my anima or Animas -, which ever is the "female" half, and perhaps a statement of my ability to perceive the world through my own individual warped perspective... which is not to say that we all don't have our own cameras with wobbly lenses...
I would generalize it to say, since I was discussing movies, and perceptions, and stereotyping and characterization and symbolism and writing and movie making recently I would say it is a statement on my general view at how people see the world in general, each through his own "wobbly lens"
What do you think?
Or is sometimes a wobbly lens just a wobbly lens?
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This is another of several "experiences" I have had while listening to the guided visualization CD:
I find it healing and insightful to relax and breath deeply and listen to the narrator as I visualize a scenario that is dredged up from my subconscious, or to actually break through the barriers of time and space and visit myself in a parallel universe living an alternate life, depending on your personal belief and possible understanding of quantum physics.
I make no claims beyond my own imagination, and in general I fall fast asleep.
On the rare occasion I remember the "adventure" and am able to visualize what the narraitor is suggesting to me for enough of the storyline to blog about it.
This is another one of those times:
My guide was Putty, my old familiar from childhood.
The space/time ship was a classic 1960's type of rocket ship...
I got out of the ship and I was naked and standing in dusty dirt. It felt good to have my toes in the dirt, like a fine brown powder. There were metal stairs climbing out of the ship. It was a place with mountains and trees and dirt ground and a bit of plants, some grasses....
Putty points at a "person" and that person is "me", says the narrator.
There were no people around but everything went foggy and white and suddenly I see him; an old man, naked, shriveled and in a fetal position, in a wheelchair, attached to some lines and IVs.
I am in a room with a smaller room off to the side. The man is in this smaller room. There is a bed, the man and a window.
The man has a strap around his head, like a headband with wires attached to it and those are attached to a machine. The man is comatose. The man is peaceful. The man is ancient, like over 100 years old but happy and fairly well but only comatose.
I am struck by the beauty of the room. The window is big and bright and at the far end of a narrow room with green leafy wall paper.
The window looks out into the leaves of a tree and it is all green and sunny and very beautiful.
I try to communicate with this man or understand what he is feeling, according to the narrator, but there is nothing but beautiful green peace.
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I wish I could be in this room like this man, at least he is happy.
Not that I am unhappy, but he has a happiness I don't think I'll ever know.
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I have had a very sheltered life. Violence does begin at home.
The circle does remain unbroken.
That being said there is hope after all.
Oh yea, about the movie; I am still speechless.
It was a near perfect movie in the sense of movie making and story telling, I'm sure the book is near perfect as well.
There was nothing bad about the movie other than the reality of the situation.
This is an untold story that some would push back into the darkness.
This story needed to be told.
What I am upset about is the why of the whole thing. The fact that the story exists at all.
No one even hinted at mental illness.
Why are the mental health issues not addressed, not even by the story teller nor the movie maker themselves? Of course it wasn't their job...
I think that is what upsets me the most.
Why this is the way it is and nobody ever did a God Damned thing about it?
...that and the fact that I saw Mariah Carey's moustache and was so struck by her beauty that I feel guilty for actually having never noticed her before.
...the fact that I am still upset but not at the move, somehow at my self...
...the fact that I have some kind of guilty feeling, like I've done something really disgusting like tasted shit and found it so delicious... I want to weep at its beauty...
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I went to see it.
I am still in shock. I will need to process and finish writing this at a later time, no sooner than tomorrow. It is Friday night and I just got home from seeing Precious.
I have only ever cried at one movie in my life, Testament in the 1980's. Tonight I did have to dry my eyes.
No one said anything on the way home.
I have never been so moved by a movie in my life.
I applauded afterward, one of the few but with no hesitation.
It's 10:16 on Friday night and I can't even express anything yet. I'll say more about the movie later. I have to go eat my burrito and I do feel like I really need to cry.
I'm not sure what I think but I do think the director, and several others deserve an academy award.
This is a rare film.
Other than that I am currently speechless...
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This is a totally new concept for me.
I was having lunch with a mid-western Protestant and a Catholic from Queens yesterday, and someone else who has no opinion either, and I was astounded to hear the Catholic and the Protestant begin discussing the "fact" that .."when Jesus got back from Hell..." while his body was in the tomb...
This is where I said,
"Excuse me? Come again? What was that I didn't exactly hear you"...
I was reminded of course of how Jesus went to Hell for 3 days after he was crucified and placed in the tomb.
Someone said something about the "Bosom of Abraham", but I was still in shock....
Now, my personal opinion has no place here, I am simply stunned by the fact that I was raised in the Church of Christ until I was old enough to realize what was going on and leave the "Church", but I have NEVER heard anything about JC having gone to Hell for 3 days while his body was in the tomb.
I mean what is this? Did you know about this?
I was always of the impression that being crucified on a cross would be pretty much enough misery and sin taking to account for mankind but apparently there is a HUGE Christian contingency that actually BELIEVES that Christ spent 3 days in HELL as part of his suffering for our sins.
Now I am not one to say one way or the other about what I believe and don't believe, nor to preach, but I am totally confounded at not having HEARD this before since it seemed to be, at the lunch table, such a commonly known thing.
I'm certain my mother would have had a strong opinion about it one way or the other and I never heard of this concept.
Apparently, many Christians believe that the bible says that the soul of Jesus went into Hell for 3 days after crucifixion as part of the whole dirty bargain.
My question is, is this supposed to be common knowledge?
I don't know what my beliefs are at this point, other than there is a higher power, and I actually don't personally believe in Hell so I guess that says I don't believe that Jesus went to Hell...
I believe it has to do with human error and translation and interpretation as well as social and moral values of the authors and times, but my point is...
Is it common knowledge that Jesus went to Hell?
Is that how the story goes and I didn't know it all these years? I don't think my family believed that or I would have heard it.
Have I just been out of the loop? It is interesting me to when I come across a new concept that I think I certainly would have noticed hearing about or reading about before.
What else don't I know?
I'm certain there is a mountain that I don't know, in fact I don't mean to say I know much at all, but this seems to be a detail that would be out there?
How could this concept have been over looked or perhaps it was suppressed?
This just makes it all that more confusing and hard to become involved in.
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