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Here is another experience I had while visiting myself in a parallel life. If that sounds strange, I do these guided visualizations where you listen to a person guiding you as you visualize a scenario.
The CD is here at this link if you want to read more about it:
Amazon.com: Healing Across Time and Space: Guided Journeys to Your ...
My posts at this point are descriptions of my "experiences", rather than an elaboration on the what, how, and wherefore of doing this.
Suffice it to say that I do derive some benefit, whether acknowledged or not, from the exercise. I also enjoy it immensely and it constantly amazes me at the variation of what type of things I visualize and where they possibly arise from.
That being said, whether it is an exercise in psychology and I "visit" a dark corner of my subconscious where I gain a morsel of self-truth... ...or an exercise in quantum physics and I am actually "visiting" an alternate self in an alternate reality having crossed the threshold between time and space, ...or, even if it is a spiritual journey, an experience where beings in other realms entertain me with a fantastical scenario for spiritual growth is beyond the point of my posting it here.
I merely write about what I experienced and hopefully I will receive some benefit from the experience, often which I realize later and have learned something about life or myself... ...or at the very least a I get a blog post out of it.
In this experience:
My "guide" appeared. The narrator explains that we all have "guides" (spiritual, if you want to see it that way) that follow us throughout life. These guides are often referred to by people as "guardian angels".
Anyhow, this wasn't one of my usual 3 guides. This was a guide which was just like a black shadow of an androgynous person.
My experience was of a person in a full body suit made of spandex which covered head, hands and feet but upon closer inspection, it was a being with a black rubbery skin, very finely textured. It had no fingers nor toes nor features.
The "time ship" was a typical sci-fi looking space craft with an interior like a 1957 Buick.
When the "ship" landed and we stepped out, I was in water. It was like a marsh or estuary with tall grasses growing in the water and swaying in the waves and breeze.
Even though the narrator said that there was sunlight when I stepped out, it was dark and there was a brilliant full moon against a green-black cloudless and starless sky.
I was terrified and tried to run to land but there was none around me, I could see no land and I could see my guide was calm and the ship had landed in this water and we were both standing up to our knees.
I thought of horrible things like sharks in the water but I was able to just go with it, after all, it was in my own imagination, and maintain faith that I would not be harmed by this visualization that was unfolding in my mind's eye.
....The narrator states that the guide would point at a person and that individual would be me in this alternate life.
At first I was puzzled but gradually I made out a craggy shoreline and a lighthouse in the distance, more grasses and then I noticed a row boat. The guide pointed at the person in the boat and I focused in on my alternate self.
I had to walk closer up toward the boat and at first I was worried that she would hear me (in my past experience, I was a child and the child was aware of this "me"), she was a woman, but she remained unaware of the presence of me and the guide.
I maintained the sense of fear of what may lie beneath the surface of the water, the soft green grasses hid much more than they let on...
I was an old woman. I sat in the row boat, shoeless and apparently fishing. I held a line which ran down into the water. I held it tightly, tied to a stick. my hands were old and gnarled. I was a crone.
My/her hair was white and held down by a dirty bandanna. My dress was black and coarse and I had an over apron or robe of burlap which was patched in several places by cheap and mismatched cloth.
My/her dirty feet were covered in mud and sores in the watery bottom of the boat. I wore some type of pants under my dress, and had a dirty rag of a shawl draped over my shoulders. It was not dark but there was no source of light but the moon.
...The narrator goes on to say things about learning from this other being, figuring out what is going on with it, what it is thinking and feeling... so I did this.
She was a widow. She was not used to being out fishing in the boat on her own. She was stuck out here late having caught no fish after the death of her husband; she had little experience.
I moved in closer and sensed remorse and emptiness in this crone, her empty face held no hint of emotion, yet her thoughts were wild and harsh and all of a sudden it hit me with a shock.... had she killed her husband?
Visions of her husband's dead body floating among the reeds, near my calves and knees, perhaps still on the cusp between life and death, perhaps held down there by a rope and a weight, rotting and being slowly eaten by fish just inches from where I stood sent shivers through my spine and the water panic welled up in me again...
It even struck me, what was she holding on the end of her line? Had she just killed her husband? Had I just stumbled upon him as he struggled for his last breath just beneath the surface? I scanned the waves for bubbles.
I saw none but looking into the dark water I felt the Poeish thrill of a good visualization experience surge through my veins. In my mind's eye, the hairs stood up on the back of my neck. I had an adrenaline rush of fear with intellectual awareness of the non-reality of it all.
I thought I would merge with this woman, find out what she had done. I drew closer. Her features never faltered. She gazed sternly at the moon showing no clue as to either guilt nor grief.
I crossed too closely, sensed a pain in my side. A hot flash nearly drew me wide awake. I'd hit the line, the string in the water, I had crossed through it, nearly slicing myself in half.... I waited, feeling a sharp pain, listening until I had to get up.
I turned off the CD and massaged my ascending colon. I figured some discount Halloween Butterfingers and individualized Almond Joys had done double duty at the exact same time I'd visualized walking through the fishing line.
I thought I would vomit and thought for sure this candy would do it's do and I hadn't actually made a Halloween year without throwing up... but I didn't throw up, I managed to just lay there, legs propped up on pillows for my back.
Perhaps I had a twisted bowel and this witch of a woman, this crone in a boat represented some type of medical cry for help that was now beginning to feel on my right side.
I still lay on my back, legs propped up on pillows in a 90 degree angle, the relaxed position, and not bothering to get up to shit, I dared pass gas.
If there was to be an end to my adventure of being either a starving or murderous old woman in a boat it would come in the form of explosive flatulence as I proceeded to produce the loudest and longest tuba sounding fart I have ever expelled in my life. I swear the neighbor in the next apartment beyond the wall jumped up to see what had happened.
The sheer volume of gas was enormous, enough to provide evidence for all of quantum theory; to say that I expelled a mini-universe is putting it mildly, and then I produced another long and grating Tommy Gun effect and lo and behold the pain subsided.
I don't know why the spirit guide chose to show me the image of myself as an archetypal old woman in a rowboat alone, who had possibly murdered her husband or was possibly just hungry and alone and unable to get a fish.
I think deeply about the symbolism of the fishing line, and my being nearly bisected by it, and then of the tearing gas pain and its ensuing report back in this reality and I must say I am mystified.
I suppose I should avoid any fish sandwiches, fillet of fishes and the like for the next several days.
I usually have a nugget of insight after doing one of these visualizations, especially when I remain awake to remember it all and it is so vivid.
I am really torn on whether or not she killed her husband or was left a widow to fend for herself.
I would really like to know what, if anything, she had on the end of that fishing line.
I'm still thinking. Perhaps I too am fishing, in a way.
I do know that I do not like standing knee deep in a body of water at night in the moonlight with only reeds waving around me.
I don't think I like what might be down there, even if it is just me sloshing around or fishing in my own wet and murky subconscious.
I can't wait to try it again, but it doesn't always work. I generally fall fast asleep when I try it. I'd say it takes about 10 to 20 or so times to try and listen to the CD without falling asleep that I am able to remember any of it, and it makes a blog post.
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| Living in Manhattan can be a dark and dreary experience. Someone like me who moved from the west coast has a hard time getting used to the change in season and the rapid fleeing of the sun to just far west as it can possibly go this time of year and even farther away into the winter.
Today I went walking, to the post office and to buy cat food, and I noticed at 2 PM the strong retreat of the sun down 3rd Avenue toward the horizon. It is brisk and cool and the shadows are long and still mid-afternoon.
I noticed that at high-noon in the apartment the rooms were dreary. I have ample mirrors to reflect the light and luckily, in this apartment I do have 6 windows and both eastern and southern views.
I am able to see large expanses of sky as the tall buildings that are near me are a few blocks away. I am lucky to live on a block with low buildings.
At work there are often no windows. I often leave the building and it is already night time, this has become sudden since the time change and the early coldness makes it winter-like already.
My first Manhattan apartment was in the back and had windows which butted up against a small back courtyard of about 20 feet and then a brick wall. Needless to say I never saw the sun there.
My second apartment was not as bad but still , although there was an air shaft in the middle of the building and the noonday sun shown down through the middle of my apartment, I couldn't really see anything out the windows without stretching and there was no direct sunlight after mid-day.
I have been lucky about the mirrors, I have several large mirrors and they have all been found on the street. People abandon items on the sidewalk here as a type of cultural habit, it is an offering, a giving away of a nice item to the first person who is willing to take it.
I have done it several times with bags of clothing, cds, books, a vacuum cleaner, you name it, whatever you don't want and is still good, just set it on the side walk and generally in under an hour it is gone...
Anyway... the mirrors, I have large huge old heavy mirrors and a stained glass window that I found on the sidewalk and the mirrors reflect the sun into the apartment so that even when the sun is on one side of the room, there is often a reflection of the sun on the opposite side.
They have been building a huge building, condos, about 4 blocks down. It rises into the sky. Sadly to say, last year a worker was killed in a crane accident at that very building. The building now seems to be complete and finished with all mirrored glass.
When I came home before 3, I had a very nice surprise! The sun, although hidden at the moment for another hour or so behind the building on the southwest, it is reflected from the new building, in the southeast, and it becomes a second sun, so bright in fact that it can blind me from my bedroom window.
I now in fact have, a sun that moves from east to west, and while setting in the west, is also reflected and setting in the east.
I now have streaming sunlight coming from both the west and the east for a sunset after about 3:30 PM, which means I can now sun myself on my bed in the morning and in the afternoon!
... and with the mirrors in there and on the kitchen wall, I get "direct" sunlight, the real sun and the second sun coming off the tall mirrored high-rise that has risen a few blocks down, shining itself into my apartment while the sun sets in the east.
I have a second sun and see the sun going down in two opposing directions, from the sky and from a large mirror in the sky.
This is bizarre! I have a second sun!
I imagine I live in a huge sparkling metropolis on a planet with two suns.
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| Who is Kate Gosselin and Jon Gosselin? Why do people listen to the likes of Rush Limbaugh, and even worse, the media go and mention it or put them on the front page of Yahoo and all that?
It used to be the Television that was so shitty with all this nonsense but now all the Web pages are full of this crap.
Do you like Lady GaGa? LADY GAGA? Lady GAG ME, sure, I wanna POKE HER FACE with a big pointed stick...
What the hell? What is all this shit? All these "put me on TV" shows, I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU STUPID PEOPLE!
Who are these people and what really dumbfounds me is, who the hell are the people LISTENING to and WATCHING these people???
I knew we were a nation of FAT and STUPID IDIOTS but I had no idea it was so bad. I've been turning the television set on more to watch Jeopardy and it seems there are entertainment shows all over the place talking chit chat about this celebrity and that, and then I see it HERE, ON XANGA....
Like is everyone 12 years old and having a PUBERTY CRISIS?
Tell me, are you an intelligent person that actually gives a shit about any of that celebrity and radio show assholiness? If so, why?
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Can anyone give me ANY REDEEMING QUALITIES of POPULAR AMERICAN CULTURE?
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I mean really DO YOU PEOPLE ACTUALLY WATCH THIS SHIT, OR LET YOUR KIDS WATCH?
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| I wandered the village as a deflated soul.
The rain came down just enough to keep some people home. I hopped a few bars. They were dead for a Halloween, and on a Saturday night. Police barricades kept traffic and people off of the streets. No more parading around in costume for photos....
I did not see the parade. I was going to stay home but someone talked me into going directly to the village early on.
The Ghosts of Halloweens past were heavy on my heart.
I just stood around and watched.
It seemed as if Halloween were for the young but no, I did see many, many people of my age and older.
I made it a point of noticing adults my age and there were many, and I even saw several seniors were dressed in costume... but it was just different.... There was no excitement and I didn't even bother taking a photograph even though I had my camera.
It was actually depressing to be out and I don't know why...
It will never be the same again...
I guess 9/11/01 ruined everything as far as security and crowd control goes... The barricades have been getting steadily more and more restrictive since...
I don't know what it was other than unmet expectations which caused Halloween to be pretty much a non-event for me... I couldn't get exited about it no matter how much I tried. I had the whole day and plenty of time to plan...
I had events papers and magazines...
I couldn't figure out why everybody was so happy.
And I wouldn't exactly call myself "unhappy" at the moment...
I just didn't like the crowds and standing around in the bar. I had a slight stomach ache which was from candy and I was tired...
I came home and watched a hideous movie called Dead Girl which I wouldn't even classify as a horror movie due to how perverse and base it was. It was a hideous excuse for a movie and I can't believe it is on the shelves of BlockBuster. I won't even go into it it, it was disgusting...
Anyway... I expected to be happy and jovial and everything and never got there and that was the let down thing...
It can't just be age... I just couldn't get into it... I kept looking through the events and thought I should want to do something, even just go to the park...
Halloween came and went this year and I didn't feel a thing...
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It wasn't so much even that it was a "let down".... It was a non event which never even got off the ground.
I refuse to believe it is my age... Perhaps I didn't have enough people to be with, but it just didn't happen. I don't know why and now things go on as before.
I don't know what I was expecting... But it certainly seemed something that should have been there wasn't.
It was almost like being constipated, only emotionally. Like I wanted so badly to take a shit but couldn't.
I wanted some type of feeling, to inhale something in the air which would enlighten me, or get that tickle in my heart...
I don't know if it was the fact that nothing happened or the fact of missing that nothing in the first place that was the worst...
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oh well...
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It was unmet expectations is what it was. What made me think that today was going to be some type of special day stems back to an inbred childhood ritual.
I had no spirit, I had hurt my back and didn't really feel like going out and doing anything, just thought I should and expected to feel something.
There is no "Great Pumpkin" Charlie Brown. The Trick is that there is no Treat.
Although many would argue that Halloween is but a Death related children's holiday, it is much an adult celebration in the large cities and specifically New York City.
There is much drinking and reveling around.
I see children out already being led by parents to and from parties and trick or treating in businesses, to be whisked away and sheltered behind locked doors before the sun comes down.
Halloween is for the celebratory adult of the reveling kind and a 'Ween in The Big Apple is like a Mardi Gras in The Big Easy
It's so crowded down there tonight, and I don't feel like lugging the camera down there and I never had any desire to wear a costume this year at all, just thought I should.
I held off with the candy as long as I could but admit there there were...are movie size boxes of Milk Duds, Hot Tamales, Raisinettes, mini ButterFinger, peanut M&M's...
...oh, there has been a "Monster Mix" and a chewy mix full of Tootsie Rolls, Mary Janes, Bit-O-Honey, Slo Poke, and those very delicious English Toffee caramels in different flavors as well as regular Kraft caramel squares...
I miss the Smartees and Nico wafers this year... I'm being good to my teeth...
....but don't get me wrong, this has only been in the last few days, I was really candy avoidant for awhile...
...Now someone says "Well, let's go down there anyway and just take pictures" so I'm not sure what I'm doing...
I had two new horror movies to watch, Dead Girl and Coraline (w/ 3D glasses).
It is kind of funny but it is Halloween and although I've put an orange ribbon on the cat and taken a photo or two, I was fully resigned to sitting home and now I'm actually AFRAID I won't know what I'm doing until after it is done!
Could it be that a Halloween 'eve has more to offer than what it initially appeared?
Is there a spirit and is it willing after all?
 . . . The hand is on the prick of 4:20, the sky grows darke and the breath of burning pumpkin is on the wind......an unplanned spontaneous Halloween? I honestly never thought of this...
Spooky!
upon the 'morrow will the Weentide tale be told!
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