July 2, 2011

• Morning Ablutions

   

  dlv told me to draw myself in the mirror
  and to draw at home and draw everything i saw and as often as possible
  i am trying to make a habit morning sketches

  

  These were in the Cooper Hewitt gift shop.  I nearly wet my pants because of the cute box and graphics.  It thought they were pastels or something but they are crayonish.  I am loving textures and mediums and how things blends or not and sticks to surface or not or reacts.

  I don't know what my "medium" is.  The art instructor thinks I do will with acrylics and was impressed with the finished ones I showed him, he said he thought they were my thing, although I do like drawing/sketching AND pen and ink which I need to do more with.  

  Also,  egg tempura and encaustic painting are interesting to me too.  I have the tempura but have not tried encaustic.

  I also like collage and make small boxes, I should take photos of the boxes... I have a fetish and hording issue with small boxes. I have boxes of boxes it is kind of a joke...

  Things that  inspire me are my mother's inner voice.
  Old movies and film making
  Fothergill's Disease
  Things I see and find on the streets of the city.
  The City (NY)
  The history and the lives and the people

  

  

  George Washington Slept here

  OME
  OUR
  AM

  Discovering what your dreams are when you don't really think you have anymore.

  

  "Everything old is new again"
  "it's all just a little bit of history repeating"

  I used to hate potato salad as a child, now, in the summer, I can't get enough.  Life changes.

  

  there's no reason never not to have music and it is a sad world or place with out it.

  

   there's no reason never not to have art and it is a sad world or place with out it

  

  i can see the messages in the stars

  i assume my fear, trepidation and lack of confidence,   self insecurity and inability to boldly go  is apparent i am after nothing but to see what the urge is about...  

  fate would have you already know this and paranoia would have me question

  i feel like a bottle floating in the sea

  dear el bowtoe;  don't artists hang out and paint and draw together and talk about philosophy and politics like the salons of old?   I am terrified you might think me a nut but I would love to hang out with you, to paint and photograph you,  to write about you,  to listen to you and to express myself to you as I rarely can do with others...

   i am not driven alone... i will stagnate with energy used for stamina, by this age...

   i have no clue... i only have some sort of sub-electronic/neurosurgery crap going on and my dead parents giving me ideas...   you would know better than i would, which i suppose is my point...

  i was never one to go to the tarot card reader
  i am not sure what is going on but we are certainly in the age of Aquarius or something..

  i have information about physics and breaching wormholes internally to reach after lifes or have them reach me,  and i want to paint them!  but i don't know how and no one can talk about these things.

  el bowtoe, if you are out there i need guidance, ad-visor ship and a clue as to why stuff may or may  not be happening...  

  

  coming out of a lifetime of severe depression,  which had been covering  and masking
  a deep anxiety, as defense,   since early childhood,  and then discovering a physical reason like neurological physical chronic pain since birth
  had caused me to retreat

  and hide from the world

  but something drew me to Manhattan,  since early childhood i spoke of it
  i told mother early on i had been born into he wrong family into the wrong place

  el bowtoe are you also involved in drawing me back here?
  i don't know i am just asking

  i have no  beliefs, they are up in the air

  but something is changing

  a fish out of water

   

  comfort is falling down in place around me

  the world is settling around me

  i am clearly entering Phase II

  and I can already tell,  if I am not going to die from something,  that it will be much better than Phase I

  

  el bowtoe,  it is feeling like this

  a genderless and painful frida seeking advice from a wise an cosmic seeming diego
  in a romantic comedy of errors as fantastic as a lunatics pipe dream
  or a bored person's idle fantasy

  

  i would be so afraid to say  'wanna hang out and have a beer'  talk...  paint...

  assuming everyone has a life as mundane and rote  as i do,  jumping out of the fishbowl more and more frequently and gasping less and less often....

  there are few intelligent adults around to talk to these days and time is fleeting for all

  el bowtoe...  what's up?
  .
  to the misunderstood:
  a totally encoded message  not meant to make sense to the average citizen.  an experiment in global communication and self expression.

  what if my dream is becoming me,  because I am unaware of what my dream is?

  i need your advice and guidance.
  .
  ( anyone looking at medication side effects, besides myself, i dated the drawing wrong, it was just done, 7/2, I have to fix the sketch, my internal calendar is fucked)
  .

  • 9:31 am
  • 3 Comments