August 7, 2012
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The World Becomes Less Scary, Yet Anxiety Simmers
The little adrenaline rushes surge in cycles through my upper body. Like a warm blood cloak, I feel it rise in my chest, neck, head, then warm its way down my shoulders and arms.
It comes in waves, repeatedly washing over me. Sudden realizations burst balloons of normalcy. Ideas rush upwards and clog my throat. My hands feel cold and shaky. The hair on the back of my neck stands up.
Things are better than they were at the last blog post. I have a bit more control and see more light at a closer horizon.
I am blessed and I know it, just facing a scary spot.
Right this very moment they are working on the street outside and smoke from an asphalt smudge pot wafts through the room.
I think I'm handling the situational anxiety fairly well. Knowing it, knowing what it is and understanding what it feels like is paramount in keeping a handle on it. I have to take special care not to allow natural defense mechanisms to numb me into depression.
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Comments (2)
being in control is good! peace, Al
Taking the time to write it out, to reveal the anxiety in words has to be a helpful thing to do. David told me of a time he was going through a rough patch - he did what he does at work (he is a therapist) when a child is on a watch for suicide attempts - he took notes of everything he was doing every five or ten minutes. Like a check in. I thought this was genius. Your blogging your anxiety is genius too.
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