September 9, 2001

  • Yesterday I was frozen with depression.  A throwback from my past up to haunt me again after all this time.  I spent the day remembering. Tomorrow there will be plenty of time to forget.


    I proved too weak to call Elaine. I am too afraid, I cannot bring myself to call.  I'm afraid someone else will answer,  or there will be no answer at all.


    Today I feel fine. Groggy but my spirit is not so blue.


    Nothing is planned,  so there will be no dissappointments,  from the inside anyway...


    Call it weakness, or call it self-defense... I can't taste that bitter cake.

Comments (2)

  • So easy to freeze.....and to be scared/anxious about whether she's there or not.....

    I do wish you the strength to reach out anyhow, in the midst of all yr feeling.....

    Hugs,

    !!!

  • I sympathise with you but you have to think about what she would want you to do rather than how it will affect you - you can do that later as you have the luxury of time.

    A friend of mine was in a similar situation. It was his mother though and she was in a hospice dying from cancer. He kept on saying he would travel the hundered miles to see her and never did. He stopped even calling her near the end. She died not hearing from her son and making excuses for him to the other relatives. He is an alcoholic now and almost a recluse. I tried everything I could to reach out to him during and after this terrible time but it was pointless. He just didn't want to deal with it.

    Sorry for going on - this was meant to be about you and it's ended up being about me! I can only wish you well and know that my thoughts are with you. *hugs* Colin.

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